“Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.”
— Victor Hugo
There’s a dominant version of masculinity that leaves no room for softness. It says men should be strong but never vulnerable, present but never emotional, protective but never in need. But that’s not the version I’ve come to believe in. And for a large part, I have music to thank for that.
Some of the most honest and powerful insights I’ve had about being a man didn’t come from books or lectures. They came from music – from songs that made me feel things when I didn’t know how, or didn’t know I was allowed to. Because music has a way of slipping past defenses and reaching the parts of us we’ve been taught to ignore. Do you know that feeling, when you listen to a song, and suddenly you feel yourself choking up or fighting back tears? Or that sense of feeling seen, by just the right words to just the right tune?
Music has always helped me name things I couldn’t say, and feel things I didn’t know needed to be felt. And over the years, many songs have stayed with me, not just because they were good, but because they cracked something open in me. They helped me see myself more clearly and made me feel less alone. They taught me something about being a man that I hadn’t heard anywhere else.
I love music, and I love sharing its magic.
So, here are 10 of those songs that helped me rethink masculinity, each from a different angle, each with something real to say. At the bottom of this post, you’ll find a complete Spotify playlist.
1. Boys Don’t Cry – The Cure
“I try to laugh about it / Cover it all up with lies / I try to laugh about it / Hiding the tears in my eyes”
This is the anthem of a boy who’s been taught that showing emotion is weak, and it’s heartbreaking. The upbeat melody disguises a gut-punch of a message: he still cares, but he’s not allowed to show it.
I think most of us grew up with some version of this. I definitely did. As a sensitive kid, I teared up easily, but it was teased out of me. So you toughen up. You swallow it. You act like it didn’t hurt. Because the message was clear: emotional control was considered strength.
But this song reminded me how much pain lives under that mask. It gave me language for something I hadn’t yet allowed myself to feel: the ache of suppressed emotion.
It’s a devastating earworm, one that describes brilliantly how early boys are taught to perform instead of feel, and what it costs us. It doesn’t shout its message. It just lingers with it. Which somehow makes it even more powerful.
2. Things Behind the Sun – Nick Drake
“Please beware of them that stare / They’ll only smile to see you while your time away”
Nick Drake’s music always felt like sitting with someone who understands your inner world without needing to explain it. In this song, there’s no posturing, just vulnerability, confusion, beauty, and pain. I could listen to this again and again. It helped me understand that sensitivity doesn’t make you fragile; it makes you honest. There’s a quiet strength in naming what hurts, and being okay with that pain.
It speaks to the experience of feeling misunderstood, and choosing to speak anyway. Choosing softness, honesty, and creative expression, even when it feels like the world doesn’t know what to do with that. Especially as a man.
“And open wide the hymns you hide / You find renown while people frown / At things that you say /
But say what you’ll say.”
He’s telling you: let your truth be heard, even if it’s uncomfortable for others.
Drake’s voice is almost a whisper, but it carries a quiet defiance. Not by pushing back loudly, but by daring to stay tender in a world that doesn’t always reward it.
And there’s a whole world of men who feel this deeply, whether they say it out loud or not.
3. The Cave – Mumford & Sons
“But I will hold on hope / And I won’t let you choke / On the noose around your neck”
This song feels like digging yourself out of your own emotional wreckage. Like waking up from a life that wasn’t really yours and deciding to live differently. It’s about reclaiming your voice, even when it’s shaky. About taking responsibility, and refusing to stay small. About overcoming limitations and finding truth and freedom.
“’Cause I need freedom now / And I need to know how / To live my life as it’s meant to be”
That’s the journey, isn’t it? And it’s one I’m still walking, right beside you. It gave me hope during a time when I felt lost, and made me believe that maybe there’s strength in breaking open.
4. Growing Sideways – Noah Kahan
“I tried to draw the line through the middle / But I lost my mind, it got really thin / I can’t be myself, I’m a slave to my youth”
This one hits like a journal entry. Kahan sings about going to therapy, about avoidance, about not blaming his parents but still carrying the weight of their mistakes and shortcomings, about feeling stuck and scared to grow.
It’s messy. And real.
“I’m terrified that I might never have met me / Oh, if my engine works perfect on empty /
I guess I’ll drive”
Noah Kahan doesn’t glamorize healing. He shows it for what it is: hard, tangled, slow. But there’s also humor and humanity in his words. He makes space for the struggle without letting it define him.
It reminded me that growth doesn’t always look like transformation. Sometimes it’s just… sideways. And that still counts.
5. Snow Is Gone – Josh Ritter
“I’m singing for the love of it, have mercy on the man / Who sings to be adored”
There’s such a joy to this track. It feels like spring arriving in your chest after a long internal winter.
“I feel change in the weather / I feel change in me”
For me, it’s about finally allowing yourself to feel alive after years of gray numbness. Seasons change. Snow melts. The past loses its grip.
I had the pleasure of seeing Josh Ritter perform live a few times, and this one always feels cathartic.
Not every song about masculinity has to be about pain. This one is about emergence. About claiming your life. About allowing yourself joy.
6. (No One Knows Me) Like the Piano – Sampha
“You took me in and you cared for me / You cared for me, cared for me / When I was broke, you fixed me up”
Grief and masculinity are rarely allowed to coexist openly. This song makes room for both.
It’s a love song to a mother, a piano, and the act of being shaped by love itself. Sampha sings with reverence and with gratitude. For many men, expressing love with that kind of tenderness feels unfamiliar. But this song reminded me that reverence is not weakness, but devotion.
And that’s something we don’t talk enough about in men.
I’m grateful that my mother is still alive, but I’ve lost close friends and family members, and Sampha makes his grief somehow inviting, universal.
It offers tough, but necessary consolation.
7. I Don’t Care to Dance – J.E. Sunde
“You gently lift my chin so I can look into your eyes / And you rebuke the bullshit and the lies / All those people who told me how to be a man / Well, I don’t want to follow them any longer / So twirl me round the floor”
This one is personal. A quiet masterpiece about vulnerability and love, rewriting old masculinity scripts. It might be the most tender depiction of healthy masculinity I’ve ever heard.
The narrator doesn’t dance, but for this person, he tries. Awkwardly, humbly, hopefully. And in doing so, he sheds the shame and pressure of the old world.
“And suddenly it’s gone / The worry that has weighed upon my heart / The fear I’m undeserving /
Of the dance that I’ve been yearning /To take part in”
I’ve listened to this and teared up more than once. It’s what bravery sounds like when you’re not trying to impress anyone. Just trying to be you, finally. What a relief!
8. Into My Arms – Nick Cave
“I believe in love / And I know that you do too”
Nick Cave has created manic rock songs, and written about pain, grief, death, and God… but in this stripped-down classic, he gives us something else: surrender.
There’s no bravado here. No armor. Just a man offering his devotion, unsure of anything but love itself. My wife and I always feel this one deeply, together.
Cave’s lyrics are steeped in longing, protection, and a desire to shield someone from the pain of the world, not by overpowering it, but by being present.
It’s masculinity as a shelter, not a shield. As gentleness, not dominance. As devotion, not possession.
Every time I hear it, I remember that love, at its best, is a form of grace.
This is the kind of masculine tenderness you don’t hear often, but it’s real and powerful.
9. The Joke – Brandi Carlile
“Let ‘em live while they can / Let ‘em spin, let ‘em scatter in the wind / I have been to the movies, I’ve seen how it ends / And the joke’s on them”
Brandi sings to the misfits. The sensitive ones. It’s an anthem for the overlooked and the underestimated.
It’s not written specifically for men, but I think a lot of men will identify with it. Especially the ones like me, who never felt like they belonged. Who didn’t fit the mold. When I feel like I’m too sensitive, too strange, too emotional, too much, this song reminds me that sometimes the world gets it wrong.
It says: You are not the problem. You’re the future.
10. I Got You – Jack Johnson
“I got you / I got everything / I got you / I don’t need nothing more than you”
Let’s end with something warm. This song is simple. But don’t mistake that for shallow.
It’s about commitment. Contentment. Presence. It’s about partnership. About leaning on someone and letting them lean on you.
It reminds me that love isn’t always dramatic; it’s also in the quiet, ordinary moments when you choose to stay.
In a world that glorifies intensity and chaos, this one reminds me of the strength it takes to be steady.
When Music Tells the Truth
There are many ways to be a man. There are many ways to be different, and brave.
Some of these songs are quiet. Some are loud. Some speak to sorrow. Some to joy. But all of them, in their own way, carve out space for a version of masculinity that feels true: present, tender, alive.
You don’t have to fit the old mold. You don’t have to be unfeeling, or unshakable, or always in control.
You can be vulnerable, and still be strong.
You can be messy, and still be worthy.
You can be yourself, and still be loved.
And sometimes, a song is the best way to remind you of that.
What songs have shaped how you see yourself? I’d love to hear. Leave a comment and share yours; I’m always looking for new songs to add to this playlist.
Related reading:
A Beginner’s Guide to Healthy Masculinity
How to Build Emotional Strength and Stay True to Yourself
How to Build Real Confidence Without Faking It
How Men Can Deal with Anger Without Shutting Down or Blowing Up
Elsewhere:
Why Music Has the Power to Move Us Physically and Emotionally
Where You Want to Be: The Relationship Between Music and Masculinity
Can Music Open Up a Healthier Masculinity in Men?
‘Man Up’: Mental Health, Masculinity, and Music
Dennis is the main writer behind A Different Kind of Brave, where he explores masculinity, emotional resilience, and the quiet courage it takes to show up fully in life. Originally from the Netherlands, he now lives in Florida with his wife, son, and two dogs.